Memoirs of an Editor
by lousiemcdoogle
Summary: "The reason for her distraction was lying unattended on her desk- an innocuous looking newspaper, abandoned on page six... Many people would have kept reading through the rest of the paper, but Gina had reason to pause. The author in question was her ex-husband. One of them." A look at Gina's back story, written to clear up the Griffin/Cowell debate. One shot.


**A/N: The whole Gina Cowell/ Gina Griffin thing has bugged me for a long time, and to explain it, my brain came up with this as my head!canon for her. I'm not usually a Gina fan, to be honest, but now I'm a little more sympathetic to her than I was. Anyhow, let me know what you think ;-) **

**Thanks as always to Jo for being a wonderful, supportive beta, and to CB and all my Twitter folk for talking me off the proverbial ledge, repeatedly. Every one of you is a blessing to me. **

**Castle belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC. I'm just playing with their amazing characters for a wee while. I'll put them back when I'm done. **

* * *

Gina Cowell stood beside her desk in her office at Black Pawn, staring absently out the window. Known for being a woman of action, it was rare for her to not be successfully multitasking.

The reason for her distraction was lying unattended on her desk- an innocuous looking newspaper, abandoned on page six, baring a headline about the engagement of a prominent local author to his police detective muse. Many people would have kept reading through the rest of the paper, but Gina had reason to pause.

The author in question was her ex-husband.

One of them.

It had been coming for some time. For the most part, she was genuinely happy for him. She knew Rick had been in love with Kate Beckett for a long time- maybe she'd been aware of it before even he was. She had certainly known even before they rekindled their romance the second time that his heart really belonged to the Detective.

She still remembered every word of their phone conversation leading up to that moment. She had called about a chapter of his, enquired about Alexis and how his writing was going, and all of a sudden his whole heartbroken mess was tumbling out of his mouth. She had listened, and comforted, and cheered him up as best she could- and next thing she knew they were flirting, the innuendo fanning that intellectual spark that had always existed between them and before she knew it she was going to the Hamptons with him and rekindling their relationship.

She had always known, though, that it was going to end. That deep down, it was Kate Beckett and only Kate Beckett for him.

She and Rick had never suited each other. Not really. She had been drawn to him originally because he was not Geoffrey. He was the total and complete opposite of Geoffrey. Too bad that meant he was also the opposite of her, too.

Geoffrey Griffin.

She inhaled a short, sharp breath. Even all these years later, just thinking his name still sent a stabbing, stuttering pain through her heart.

She had almost erased him from her memory completely- had learned how to not think about him as she was drifting off to sleep at night, or when one of their songs came over the radio. She had replaced all of those memories.

It was only times like now, in the safety and security of her office, she would allow herself to think of him. She could acknowledge the effect he had on her here, surrounded by the company that had brought them together. This office had been her place of safety ever since…

She almost smiled as she shook her head at the memory of her younger self. So bright eyed and naïve and determined, full of passion and spark. She had known since about midway through her college career that this was going to be her industry, and she had been determined to become a publisher of best sellers.

Leaving college had been a wake up call. No one in the industry would look twice at her. Her degree was meaningless- the publishing houses required experience. Rejection after rejection came through, until one day, one of the partners of a small publishing firm happened to have his office door open as she was trying to talk the receptionist into accepting her resume.

Geoffrey Griffin had been so tall and handsome and no nonsense, and had invited her in for a chat. She had poured out her dreams to him, and he had listened, a considering look on his face, and finally offered her an internship.

As the company grew, she moved up the ranks- and her relationship with Geoffrey had become the romance of her dreams. Both were career-driven professionals who thrived under pressure, and keeping their affair quiet at the office for the first few months had been a delicious thrill. Most of their workmates didn't know of their relationship until they came back from a business trip married. Everything had been perfect.

Until it wasn't.

They had been married for three blissful years when Black Pawn took a downturn. Geoffrey started spending more and more hours at work, trying to turn things around.

Marguerite Holloway was another partner- brunette and voluptuous, and somehow she had always made Gina feel young and foolish. As Geoffrey spent more and more overtime at the office, so did the other partners- including Marguerite. She should have seen it coming, she supposed. The affair at the very least.

No one could have really foreseen Marguerite committing corporate espionage on behalf of one of their competitors, or that same competitor proceeding to head hunt Geoffrey right when Black Pawn was teetering on the edge of ruin. In fact, if Gina herself hadn't managed to sign on Richard Castle, and if his books hadn't been an instant success, Gina knew for a fact that the entire company would have gone under.

As her personal life lay in ruins, and her professional life reminded her daily of her heartbreak, she had been forced to reconstruct her image. Gone was Gina Griffin, wife of legendary publisher Geoffrey Griffin- although the name still haunted her from time to time, as it was difficult to get people to call her by her maiden name again, at least at first.

The transition was made harder by office whispers that she had slept her way to the top, that she was a corporate plant secretly still working for Geoffrey's new fancy publishing house. Her rapid promotion in the wake of her ex-husband's desertion didn't help matters, regardless of the fact that it had been offered to her because of her work at saving the otherwise defunct company.

Working side by side with Richard Castle, playboy, had been just the rebound she had needed. By this time, she had become a confident go-getter, and Rick's eyes always darkened beautifully when she began throwing threats or orders around.

Before long, she became his arm candy- attending functions representing Black Pawn, and drawing attention to the company in the press in ways she simply couldn't have done on her own.

And then there was Rick himself. Goofy, loveable Rick.

She had spilled her tragic story out to him one night after drinks. He had listened sympathetically, taken her home, tucked her into bed, and slept on her couch to make sure she was ok.

Their relationship progressed naturally, but not passionately. He was a good man, a kind man- the kind of man she knew she would be safe with, if not passionate about. He was smart and charming, and so one night after a gala, she had invited him up for a nightcap.

When she accepted his marriage proposal, she couldn't help the doubt that tickled her mind. She knew that this was a good-enough relationship, but after her first marriage, she simply wasn't prepared to take any risks. Neither of their hearts were in it, though. Rick put on a terrific front, but was nothing like the focussed workaholic Geoffrey had been, and rather than being swept along, she found herself forced to do the sweeping. More and more, he would hide his true self from her, bringing it out only when he was around Alexis.

Dear Alexis. Such a sweet girl. Gina had never been the mothering type, though, and while she adored Alexis in her own way- the girl was certainly an improvement on every other child Gina had ever had contact with- she never really felt like she was any more than Rick's girlfriend to the girl. The two of them had their own little world, and even on the few occasions Gina did feel welcome, she hadn't totally understood how to act or what to say.

Eventually, the distance grew, as did the scale and magnitude of their fights, until eventually she knew it was time to pull the plug. Divorcing him hadn't been an easy decision, but beyond his initial reaction, his lack of fighting her on it was enough to let her know that it really was mutually beneficial.

He was still contracted to Black Pawn, though, although she had known his decision to kill Derrick Storm was made specifically to spite her. Oh, well.

Sometimes, one just had to let these things roll off one's shoulders. She didn't get to where she was without perfecting the art of being a heartless bitch on occasion. Take that, Marguerite Holloway.

Still, in her own way she had loved Richard. They had managed to work back to being co-workers and even friends now. That Detective had his heart, though.

She wished her well of him.

She wished so many things.

None of that was going to get this next book published, though.

Sighing, she swept the newspaper off her desk and into the trash, and got stuck into her work, shelving the subject of her private life for another day.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


End file.
